Now I get it

At a certain time in their lives, my mother and her sister began to qualify their future plans and coming events by using the words, "God willing, or "if I'm still around." I don't remember how old I was when their vocabulary changed in this way, but I know I was young enough to resent hearing those words. I hated hearing them speak that way; in my heart I wanted them to be around forever, in a way thought they would be, and I didn't like the chill that went down my spine when the fated expressions were uttered. Any more than I don't remember when they started to verbalize their mortality, I don't remember when I began to follow that thought pattern myself. I'm thnking that my mother was preparing not only herself for the inevitable, but also letting us get used to the idea. In that respect, she was not successful; everybody must die, but the concept of knowing that doesn't explain anything, does it?