The News Today

A message just in case it should ever happen to you: If someone steals your identity and/or hijacks your credit rating, don't just report it to your card company. Everyone knows that any fraud will be reimbursed. Be sure to act out your horror when you can't make a purchase. Make that purchase a touchy-feeley one, like a Christmas gift for a child--a three-year-old girl would be ideal. Check to see that there are witnesses before you disintegrate into tears. And, above all, be sure that you contact your local TV station. You'll be guaranteed that gifts will flood in. And there's a lot less collateral damage than leaving Christmas presents in your car, where a thief will most likely find them. Bah, Humbug!