Mindedlessness

From an early age, I've wondered how other people's minds worked, so that I might be able to form a mold for my own thoughts. I can remember looking up at my mother's face while we were in church. I was small, and her expression, reserved for religious occasions, seemed far away, physically and emotionally, from what was familiar to me. She was intent on the priest's words and I could hear the words, thought I understood them, but they had no impact on me. I knew I was missing some link, but I didn't know what it was. It was the same effect as when I would read the newspaper, and try to figure out why my father would react so strongly to the words he read. I read them, and...nothing. The words didn't move me at all, not newsprint, not homilies. Later on, I would have the same feeling when I attended concerts, or musical performances. Those in the audience sat with rapt attention on their faces. What was going on in their minds, were they thinking how beautiful the music was, or were they at that state where thoughts dissolve into pure consciousness without thinking. I took a graduate course in religions years ago; one of the books we read was the Bhagavad Gita, which delved into the principles of Meditation: when our thoughts die out,we enter into a new level of consciousness which we can then begin to explore freely without the disturbances of thought. If I had known then what was to come later in life, I would have taken meditating more seriously, anything to stop the flow of conscious thought, any measure to achieve the eternal level of pure consciousness far removed from thinking. But I don't know. Meditation is supposed to be an involved and painstaking process, fraught with the ironic axiom that if you set out to meditate it will not be meditation. Yet I know people who seem able to empty their minds of conscious thought, and I don't think it was through a conscious process. When asked what they are thinking, they answer nothing, when a loved one has a crisis, or a person is unaccounted for, or a health diagnosis is pending, they can sleep, and wait for answers to come in due time. Conscious thinking brings all sorts of unnecessary issues into play, not at all conducive to peace of mind. The purity of self realization filters out all the excessive and useless thought and permits the flow of pure consciousness. I'm good with that, who wants the morass of a troubled mind. If I live another full lifetime, I could possibly attain that goal, but in this lifetime, I cannot conceive of having even an instant of thought-free time, even if I'm only thinking of what I'm thinking about. A Blog in place of the Bhagavad Gita may be a poor substitute, but it's all I can muster.