At the End

The man was dying: there was no doubt about it.  Even he, who had been denying his symptoms, and then his diagnosis, could no longer escape the truth.  He had not drawn up a will, though he had considerable  holdings, and  in more than one country.  He'd been married, fathered several children, then divorced and remarried.  So his estate was destined to be complicated, to say the least.  Several members of his family traveled to his sickbed, trying to prevail upon him to settle his affairs while he still could. He would not comply, and subsequently died not long after.  The consensus was that he was a cruel and heartless man, who would not take the time to facilitate matters for his heirs.  That may  have been a true statement, but to look at it in another light, a human being, faced with imminent death, may well be so immersed in the process of having to face death that there  is no room for anything else. 
    We are groomed by today's society as to the necessity of looking beyond our own lifespan to put our affairs in order, to insure that those left behind can smoothly, and with as little taxation liability as possible, assume the potential burden of what is left after we are gone.  In older times, what was left was mainly property, the family homestead, which would usually continue to be inhabited by whatever family members wished to live there.  Unless you were royalty, most people didn't rely on written wills to divvy up the remnants of a life.  For sure, there were probably many family arguments as to who got what, but the point is the dying person did not have to bear the onus of guilt for not smoothing the path to inheritance. With the increase of discretionary income, and the prevalence of Social Security, there are many senior citizens, so I'm told, who never touch their Social Security benefits, but keep them in reserve for their grandchildren.  It's considered almost a duty for a person who statistically has not much time left on earth to make sure there is an unobstructed flow of assets to another generation or two.  Moreover, to make it even easier, seniors are encouraged to plan their funeral arrangements and of course to pay for them if possible.  To do any less is negligent and thoughtless behavior.  Many accept this as comforting and in accord with what they want to do, but these plans are made when the person is still amongst the living.  
      The knowledge you are destined to not live much longer, in terms of statistical probability, is much different from being engaged in the active process of dying.  No matter how generous, loving and caring a person may be in giving of self to others, there comes a point when all  thoughts turn inward;   that occurs when our modern and magnificent medical system relays the news that there is nothing more to be done.  You will die, are indeed dying now.
    Consider the instance of the man cited above.  He was a father, a husband, a holder of various other titles accorded to the life he lived.  But above all, and truest to his very self, he has always been alive--up to the last breath drawn.  Having to face the journey into what can not even be imagined must take precedence over all else.  The prospect of death, even more troubling, the state of not living any more, is exponentially much more  overwhelming than anything you can possibly do to  affect the fortunes of those who are still living.  From the day you drew your first breath until the time you draw your last, you belong to the giant membership of the living.  When you leave that club, you are forced to abandon all contact, and it seems likely that you no longer care about anything at all on this earth.  When the family approached the man on his deathbed, with pleas for helping them expedite his wishes, his refusal may not have been out of anger and meanness;  it could be possible that he had absolutely no interest in dealing with material things.  
The comfort of a settled estate promised to us by funeral directors and attorneys has no bearing after a person's attention is directed elsewhere.   Living heirs-to-be may blithely and gradually  accept the loss of their forbears as an inevitability, (which it is):   the dying have a briefer time to accept  their loss, which is everything and everybody mortal.