Macho Men

Burly testosterone-fueled specimens batting a ball around in the water doesn't seem like a competitive sport for the virile---not until they put on their bonnets complete with that little bow tied under the chin.  Really?

"Quote me."

"You don't interpret a penalty to be a pig.  It can't be a pig."  Justice Scalia on the Obama health mandate.  "What can he (Obama) do to me?  ...We have life tenure."    (Scalia  says he  hasn't retired because he knows his wife doesn't want him around the house.)

Walter Mitty-ing

If those six guys with the mops from the volleyball court would come to my house, the entire house would be clean in no time flat.  And it would be fun to watch.

Correction, Political and otherwise

8 Planets :   Mercury,Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune

6 Days of the Week:  Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday

Well,

...there's a change in the weather. There's a change in the sea. 

AGT Musings

All of the semifinalists on tonight's show were men; I guess the girls don't get the votes. I read the rumor that Sharon Osborne is leaving the show, and I wonder if it's related to her seemingly premature and spontaneous voicing of the judge's wild card selection, the male cloggers.  It doesn't seem she would constitute the voice of the panel, but who knows---she just appeared to blurt it out, though.  I note that the 2 "comedians" on the panel voted for the mind-reader, which I thought was a so-so act, but better than that comedian contestant they put through last week---he was uncomfortable and unfunny, but still better than the week before that's selection of the kid wearing the yarmulke who sang through his nose.  And as for the dog act, I knew they weren't rescue dogs, the poor animals looked unhappy, and I've seen almost the same act at the Schaghticoke Fair decades ago.  (I think it's very bad for a dog's spine to do backflips.  Somebody call PETA!

Right on, Tim!

I'm so lacking  in the power of persuasion that I'm pretty sure that I'd be unable to get more than 19, not to mention 21,  people to walk barefooted on burning coals and scorch the pads right off their feet.   Well, maybe if they hadn't noticed the first 18 who were writhing on the ground in pain....

Lean forward--Speak louder

The two women  sitting across from each other in the opthalmologist's office, evidently acquaintances, were swapping general conversational comments when the tone quite suddenly changed.  "Did you hear what happened to Harry?"  asked one.  The other replied that no she hadn't but suggested the other woman come sit beside her, in a closer position, so she could relate the narrative, interested now that it was a health story. "No, I don't feel like moving," she answered.  "Neither do I," said the other.  So Harry's tale continued, told now  a louder voice.  Harry had noticed a large swelling behind his knee, and went to the E.R. to have it assessed.  The doctor there told him it was a puzzle; after the MRI's and the CT's and X-rays, they were unable to determine whether the swelling was from a new blood clot or an old one.  So they medicated him and sent him home, where next day he was mowing the lawn, on his riding mower, when the knee acted up again.  On the return E.R, trip, the doctor would not release him until he'd been seen by a hematologist, because of liability you know.   So the hematologist did release him, and Harry is at home  now, applying ice to the back of his poor knee.  They're waiting to see what happens.  Aren't we all.

Cash Cows

(Senior Citizens + Health Insurance) x Doctors = Vacation Homes + Mercedes + Offshore Investments  

Lost, Found

I was cleaning house, some of it anyway, last week and I found the plastic guard to my electric razor, which had been missing for some time, about two years or so.  I'd moved the mattress off the bed and found the little gizmo tucked down between the metal rail of the bed and the space where the mattress had been.  And yes, it had been that long since that area had been revealed.  "Aha!" I said, and popped the little shield onto the head of the razor, where it hadn't been for a long time.  I shaved my legs tonight and when I returned the razor to its charger stand, lo and behold, the protective guard was still securely clamped to the razor.  I suppose I could have removed the guard and repeated the process, but I figured I'd already gone through the motions, and who cares anyway.

The P's

I guess if Pluto can get over having its status as a planet rescinded, Penn State and Paterno will have to do the same with theirs.     Seems so stupid somehow.

Ripa Shark Jumping

I guess maybe there wasn't a real shark involved, but the metaphor was all too apparent.  There was a frantic tone to the usually poised Kelly Ripa's voice, so I walked into the living room to see what was happening, and there she was flailing around as if underwater with a potential co-host.  The whole gimmick of choosing who will sit with her as host for a day is so strained, humiliating, and just plain foolish that it is painful to watch.  Why not have each of the four designated finalists sit with her for a day instead of putting them through demeaning and tiresome competitions.  Surely each could be at least as interesting as the duds who've been co-hosting lately.

Verdict

What we need in our jury trial system is a wider category of verdicts, such as:
     Just because our verdict is not guilty, that doesn't mean we think he's innocent.  We're not that stupid.
     We know he did it, but the prosecutor hasn't proved it, and besides, we think the prosecutor is creepy.
      We know he's guilty, but so is everybody else who is  involved in seeking, or granting, cross party endorsements.  The jail's not big enough to hold them all. 
      Nobody, even an official, understands the Absentee Ballot process because we sure don't.  And we're not stupid.
      We don't think he deprived anybody of their constitutional right to vote, because we don't think any of them would ever have voted in a Primary anyway.  They're not that stupid.
      By the way, in case it ever comes up, what is the difference between a Primary and a Caucus?
     
    

AGT Britain---Eww.

I thought America was getting a little short on talent until I saw the winners of Great Britain's Got Talent last night. A dog crawled all over its owner's body in what was part of a dancing dog and person duo. It was just plain weird.

HELP, THEY CRY

Most people don't know about this, reads the magazine article, but there is a dangerous new practice among teens called self-embedding. The disturbed teenager opens a wound in a  body part, say their arm, and then places foreign objects in it, such as paper clips, staples, crayons, or pieces of plastic.  The danger is from the body part becoming the site of infection. The article states the practice is rare, and while it doesn't cite the number of cases, the article is accompanied by pictures of staples, bent wires, and "even" crayons, which may or may not be actual pictures of items removed from actual wounds.   I read this article in a medical magazine (in a doctor's office), and can only conclude that publicizing this "new psychiatric disorder" will increase the number of  instances, and can further conclude that the medical community is working on developing a drug to treat the disorder.  What you don't know about you can't suffer from, but once informed and diagnosed, we have a pill for that.

"Solitude"

"Laugh, and the world laughs with you.
Weep, and you weep alone.  ...
But one by one, we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain."

Verbatim

The young Trooper was presenting the services offered by your New York State Police to the Woman's Club, i.e. a group of elderly women.  The discussion turned from traffic regulations to security issues.  Senior ladies want to ward off crime and violence to the furthest extent possible.  The Trooper spoke, "While there is no formal Neighborhood Watch in your area, each person can be vigilant in community matters.  For example, if you know your neighbors are not home and you happen to see some white guy running down their driveway, it is perfectly appropriate to call the police to investigate."  I turned to the person sitting next to me,  "Did he say some white guy?"   "Yes," she answered, "he didn't want to say black guy."

Ladies?

I wonder why police officers invariably refer to male suspects, persons of interest, or known criminals as "gentlemen."  I've never heard women referred to as "ladies" in similar instances.

Oh, no!

Not Kitty Wells AND Encyclopedia Brown..

I read the news today, oh boy....

Now that our newspaper has been reinstated, I did read the news, and I have a thorough insight into so many happenings.  I now know that the subject of today's interview would eat two slices of pizza and then go to the library where she "would spend tons of time studying."  I read that the Troy police have "no reason to question the veracity" of a teenaged girl who shot her father to death even though her story has more holes than Swiss cheese.   I found out that the entire muddled mare's nest of the Working Families Party ballot fraud case may hinge on three little words, "Had I known," coupled with what distance constitutes an arm's length.  Sound Off let me know that when it comes to analogue vs. digital, that "just with the timing when you need it most, the digital picture disappears."  The Pulse of the People contributor exposes Hospice as another deception.  "Like Moses coming down Mount Sinai on his ass, ...Hospice speaks to your heart but they ain't no Jesus."  Reading the second letter pretty much illustrates the scientific-based truth that the use of computers causes insanity.  I hope we reflect on that, and not just react. The erudite Dr. Chartock sums up his lengthy and largely unreadable column by remarking that when Ferdinand got angry, he got stung by a bee. And, finally, I found out that today marks the 51st birthday of Jackie Earle Haley. 

Philosophy

Shush------Don't ask.  She might tell.

It's Hammer Time

If I had a hammer, I'd hammer out danger,
I'd hammer out a warning.

Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon her head.
Clang! Clang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure she was dead.

If all you have is a hammer,
Everything looks like a nail.

  Who the hell was Bernard Baruch anyway, and what's with that park bench?

In my house are at least 47 screwdrivers, and a very large number of hammers also, none of them silver though.

Really? Surreally?

You hear it all the time---the person being interviewed responding to how they felt about having reached  some monumental, life altering event.   "It feels really surreal."   Is that possible?

PAIN

It's kind of a popular thing to debate the most extreme level of pain that a person can experience.  It usually comes down to a tossup between the labor of childbirth and the agony of kidney stones.   The man's view is necessarily based only on one of the contending pains, but any woman who has experienced both childbirth and kidney stones  has a sound basis for comparison. I am now in that category, but for intensity of pain, I'm leaning toward the time I ran over my bare foot with the vacuum cleaner. 

Quack Quake

There is a sticker on my refrigerator that reads, "I sailed with the Aqua Ducks."   It doesn't say that I had a close encounter with death that day, but I believe that to be true.  We "Valley Girls" were guests of Dorothy that day on our then monthly lunch dates, some time in 2004 or so.  She offered  us  the tickets that P. had won on his regular call-in to the early morning radio station trivia contest.  Tickets were valued at around $25 I think.  So off the four  of us went to the Port of Albany area where  we boarded the boat for the first part of our adventure, a land tour through the streets of  downtown Albany.   A little weird, but  the weather was sunny and bright and we played  the tourist bit through the familiar sights, listening to the tour guide point out the points of interest. We may even have worked the yellow plastic ducks that made a quacking noise, cheesy as it was. Then came the dramatic part when the big old amphibious relic transformed from a wheeled tank-like vehicle into a seafaring monstrosity.  We entered the water with a resounding thud, shaking all aboard.  I immediately asked if there were life jackets aboard, realizing I  can't swim a stroke.  Everybody seemed to find the question humorous, but the guide pointed out they were under the seats.  I looked and saw large cumbersome-looking black bags, which presumably each contained a life jacket.  I figured it would probably take 20 minutes or so to unravel the mystery of what to do with what was in the bag, so I asked Snookie and Barbara, in the seats behind Dorothy and me, who would act as life-saver if the boat floundered.  Barbara said she couldn't really swim either, so Snookie would probably have had her hands full deciding who to save, besides herself, that is. 
        We were quite far out into the river when the weather suddenly changed, with a squall blowing cold rain into the open sided boat.  There was a primitive roll-down siding attached to the top of the boat, and weighted down by a boat-length plastic rod along each side.  A passenger attempted to lower the protective shade, but the long thick rod fell out and over the side.  The captain attempted to retrieve it, but it sank, much to his thinly-veiled displeasure.  So one side was down, but the rain continued to blow into the boat from the other side.  Freezing by now, in our summer clothing, we were eager to get back to shore.  Then the motor stalled.  While I re-investigated what was in the black bag  beneath my seat, the captain and co-captain, his wife, did various things to get the motor running, which they eventually did. 
     When we disembarked, cold and hungry after our extended ride, we walked the short distance to The Pump House, where we were surprised to see that the restaurant host was Mark Van Sluyters.  He laughed when he found out that we had just done the Aqua Ducks tour: he said there were frequent breakdowns, often necessitating rescues by the Coast Guard. 
     I think it was later that year, in 2005, that the sightseeing boat overturned in Lake George, killing a number of senior citizens, and shortly after that another old amphibious boat overturned in Philadelphia.  It's probably a good thing that the Aqua Duck is going out of business before there is  a mortality on their record.  Who will buy this wonderful business?

For women only--delicate subject

Musings------among the most inane advice ever given:    "Front to back."