Petty Annoyances

   Granted, I don't use the stapler all that often, but when I do go to use it and it's out of staples, I look upon its emptiness as a sign of betrayal. How dare it not be there for me when I need it.

   But that annoyance is as nothing compared to my efforts to open a bottle of Sprite, brought here either as a peaceful offering or else as a test of my patience and ingenuity. I buy the cans of Sprite---pull the tab and drink of it at my leisure.
      I now have before me Sprite in a 12-ounce plastic bottle with a screw-top. So one would think. The cap is evidently screwed on, but whether it will ever be screwed off is another story. I'm kind of accustomed to inserting a knife blade between those plastic caps which have not been severed enough to be removed and thus are difficult to get off the bottle. I tried that with the Sprite bottle, cutting through the still-molded threads on the cap. But I still could not get the top to come off. I used the plastic grabber until it tore, I tried wedging it off with a bottle opener, a knife blade and a screwdriver. Nothing worked. Maybe I'll saw the entire end of the bottle off with a hacksaw. Or maybe I'll make a New Year's Resolution to give up soda; it is high in calories and contains the verboten high fructose corn syrup.