J'accuse

QUESTION (under oath):   "Have you ever used the N-word?"
ANSWER (also under oath):  "Even now, I shudder at the very thought of anyone, at any time, ever having used that word.  I believe I must have had some familiarity with the usage of the word, due to the time I lived in,but uttering it is so heinous that I shrink from the memory of ever having heard the word, not to mention ever having  voiced the syllables.  The use of such a term to deliberately denigrate a noble race of people causes my mind to withdraw from any knowledge of such extreme intolerance.  And if others ever did so speak, I can only prevail upon Our Lord to forgive them, for they knew not what they did.  And I answer your question honestly, fully aware of the oath I've taken.   (Um, there are no recordings from back in the day, are there?)

A Matter of Perception

 I think Aaron Hernandez stands a better chance of rehabilitating his image than does Paula Deen.   After all, he's only accused of murder, not bad taste.  My advice to all accused----Deny, deny, deny!   And never apologize, especially if you're elderly, overweight, wealthy, and not a member of a minority. 

The Long and the Short of It

This year, at last count, I have seen 14 medical professionals, not counting the physical therapists.  Eleven are male and three female.  I am of average height, but 8 of them are shorter than I am with 4 being taller, and 2 whose height I'm not sure of. Both of them are eye doctors, who don't extend the courtesy of  standing up to bid you goodbye, and you're already sitting when they make their appearance.  I think they're short though--therefore the Napoleonic Complex.

Tightrope

Nik Wallenda is presently about half way through his wire walk on the
Discovery Channel.  I can't turn it off, but I can't stay in the room either.  There is a 10 second delay if he falls.  He's wearing elkskin shoes, I  read, but also blue jeans---they seem so binding somehow.  I'll be glad when it's over.
         Postscript:     Nik made it across, but it looks as if Don Draper has fallen into the gorge.

Summer Slime

Summer is here, despite the threat of continuous thunderstorms and night time low temperatures.  So when are the snails going to leave my driveway?

Assisted Suicide

     Why, oh why, would any organization, especially one aligned with healthy eating, want to be associated with  a Grilled Cheese Eating Contest?   Yet proceeds of such a display of coerced gluttony were received by the Rensselaer County Dairy Princess Committee. The winner in the men's category ate 19 sandwiches, the women's winner ate 11 sandwiches, and the youth category winner ate 11 sandwiches.  No one could possibly believe that the consumption of so many cheese sandwiches could be a healthy choice, and most would agree that definite harm could result from the ingestion of so many sandwiches of any type, and perhaps in particular those including cheese.  Mayor Bloomberg is waging a losing battle.

May I quote you?

"Everything is awful, always."

Quoting Louis C.K.

No, not me, none other than Jerry Seinfeld:   On the subject of vacation---"I load the kids and all the stuff into the van.  Then I seat my wife in the passenger side, and walk around the van to the driver's side.  That walk is my vacation."   Or something like that....

Uh-oh

"One of the warning signs of moderate cognitive decline of Alzheimer's is impaired ability to perform mental arithmetic, such as counting backwards from 100  by 7's."   I wonder who came up with this one.

Bow, Wow!

If you're driving in Watervliet on a suspended license and get pulled over by a trooper, and you have 2 Siberian huskies in your car, and it's a hot day, and the trooper ties them to the bumper of his patrol car while you wait for someone to come drive your car, and the trooper speeds off on another call, there is bound to be trouble, because even huskies can't keep up the pace of a patrol car. 

Bradbury Redux or Summer in A Day

This is like "All Summer in A Day"  on Venus.  If the sun does appear for fifteen minutes, and you have the bad luck to be locked in a dark room, you'll have to wait about nine more years to get a glimpse of it.

Boxes

You can spell it donuts or doughnuts, but no matter which, I don't think they should be packaged lying flat in a pizza style box;  to me donuts should stand on end in a deeper but narrow box.  That's just the way it should be.

Good night

"Do not go gentle into that good night;
  Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

The News Today

   Some days it's hard to figure out what's happening. Opening from a confusing front page, which reported a man arrested for attacking a statue, or at least removing it from its pedestal, to  Civil War re-enactors battling the weather amid pictures which could have represented either story, I read first the story of the Uncle Sam statue vandalism.  I tried to figure out  what happened---one of a group of men arrested for fleeing from the scene of an uprooted and headless statue.  The statues sound like a silly idea, commissioned to somehow represent the mythical Uncle Sam.  The creator of the statue was quoted as saying he thought the thief either wanted the statue for himself or for someone else, or else he was just intoxicated.  That would seem to cover all the bases.  Evidently, the statue supports the custom of adding graffiti, or  a sign and comment phase, and that's not considered tampering as long as it's not inappropriate.  He added that he wasn't surprised that the head fell off because it had fallen off in his very studio and he'd glued it back on.  He didn't say what color shirt he was wearing at the time.
     My gaze dropped down to the next story, Andrew Beam's account of a Niskayuna man tidying up the boulevard where he grew up.  He lived there, his mother lives there, he has bought an abandoned house there.  If the writer has left a few grammatical rules unviolated, he more than makes up for it in the blasphemy against writing style.  If unnecessary and superfluous constructions were eliminated, the article would be about one-third the length, but the point would be made.  But then no one would know what Joan Jensen's  neighbor Toni Dickinson had also done.  
   So I turn to the TV news just in time to hear none less than Charley Rose and Gayle King comment on Michael Douglas's announcement that he believes that his throat cancer was caused by oral sex, and it seems he may be interested in public service announcements similar to those of Angelina Jolie.  I couldn't change the channel fast enough, but switched back in time for Live with Kelly and Michael.  That should be safe, one might think.  But that safe spot was not to be:    Kelly was simulating the process of pooping in her pants.   Yes, she was.