WHEN I THOUGHT HE'D LOST IT

     I guess I should pay more attention to popular culture, because one of the more chilling moments of my life happened because of my not knowing enough about it. When you get to a certain age bracket, you can't help being concerned about the shadow of Alzheimer's Disease. It seems so ominous and so prevalent. So......before Christmas I left a card with tip included for our newspaper delivery man. His motor route delivery comes so early each morning we never see him, but still appreciate his services. Because it's dark at that time of year, I fastened the Christmas card to the top of the newspaper tube with a clip clothespin so he could see it in the darkness.
      Later that day, my husband went out to get the paper and returned with the clothespin in his hand. "Here," he said, handing me the clothespin. "He took the card, but he left the cannoli." Normally, I would just have replied something like that's a clothespin, you idiot, but with the specter of the onset of that horrible affliction, I merely took the clothespin and put it back in the drawer. I felt a chill: isn't one of the classic symptoms of Alzheimer's losing the name of common objects? Calling a clothespin a cannoli seemed to fit that symptom to a tee.                I didn't want to tell anyone, thinking that soon enough everyone would find out anyway. The disease always progresses, doesn't it, though at different rates. Let's live with what we have while we have it and worry only when we really need to. I know that may not be the best approach, but that's all I could deal with at the time. So I watched and waited, looking for other signs. Nothing much happened so I thought maybe it was just a fluke of some kind, but the fear was still there.
      Then while watching some awards show on TV, probably in March, I heard one of the honorees say, while accepting his award, "I'll take the award and leave the cannoli.." It was like I'd gotten an electric shock. I asked my son what the actor meant by that, and he answered that it was an often quoted phrase from "The Godfather" movie where a character at a bakery where a murder has occurred says to "take the gun, leave the cannoli." I felt so relieved and so stupid. I guess I should worry more about myself, and less about others.

DID I HAVE YOU AT GOOD-BYE?

Did you ever notice how many television and radio interview guests, when host thanks them for their appearance say "Thank you for having me." I think I would stick with you're welcome.

NOT ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW

Our high school physics teacher was called out of town because his father fell ill. Things had not been going well in the classroom for him or us. Teacher and students alike were struggling, some more than others. It was mid-April and a temporary substitute was called in. For whatever reason, Mr. L. never returned to resume his teaching duties and the class never learned why. But we had Ms. R., a brilliant and somewhat ferocious sub who was determined to shape us up for the Regents exam. Her work was cut out for her, as we soon learned we were sadly in arrears as to the basic knowledge of physics. I thought there was no hope for me until one day Ms. R. stood at the front of the classroom, her determination to teach us something, anything, at this late date prompting her to make this statement: " I don't care if you learn anything else from this class but this one thing. Newton's Third Law of Physics states that every action has an equal and opposite reaction!" I felt strangely reassured though by this time my knowledge of physics was minimal at best. Fool that I was. Decades later, that is still all I know about physics. Which brings to mind that I still can relate the Chemistry formula NaCl+ H2SO4--NaHSo4 + 2 HCl (yielded as a gas)This might be right but I don't know why really. If I could just delete some of this mind clutter, I could learn something that matters.

TRUTH IN JEOPARDY

"Jeopardy," the TV show, is a pop culture American phenomenon, and as such reflects the concept of presenting fiction as truth. During the break from answering questions, in what is meant, I suppose, as a way of getting to know the contestants, each contestant relates a biographical anecdote or adventure. How many of these little snippets are actual events. do you think. Lately, even Mr. Trebeck seems to doubt the truth, even though he's probably responsible for that segment being included. Some of the stories are obviously embellished, some seem totally contrived, and a few I recognize as lifted from late night talk show interviews with celebrities, some of whom no doubt have writers to help them with their appearance interviews. So much of it is at least loosely scripted. One Jeopardy contestant repeated a celebrity's story about running in a marathon almost word for word. I guess everybody's doing it, but I wonder why. Sometimes everyone on Jeopardy seems to be embarrassed to have to do the bit.

THE "F" WORD, DO WE ALL USE IT?

    She was 11 years old, doing her homework in the living room while I was tutoring her younger brother in the kitchen. She was completing a social studies crossword puzzle and she called out for the spelling of "Kaifu." I answered from the kitchen: "K,A,I" and then "F,U." Her brother, mother, she and I all laughed at the remark, no problem, an innocent remark mimicking the obscene expression. I kind of apologized for the sound of it. Then she came into the room and with all the world-weariness of her 11 years, stated that it should be no surprise to hear F U come from anyone's mouth, as everyone says it. I told her that I for one did not use that expression, and neither did "everybody else." I felt safe saying that because I knew that she had not or ever would hear me utter that phrase. But secretly I feel a little guilty that a kid has to know so much about life.

WOULD YOU KILL? ASK THE LADIES WHO LUNCH

A while ago, it must have been late at night while watching TV, I saw a psychological experiment about human behavior, (of course.) The scenario was 5 railroad workers on 1 track, 1 worker on another track. A high speed train is bearing down on the 5 workers, bringing certain death to all, with no chance for them to escape. The question posed was would you pull a switch to divert the train from that track to the track with the single worker. Most of the subjects asked would do so. Part 2 set the same scenario with a stocky man looking over a railroad trestle. Pushing him off the bridge would also divert the train, saving 5 lives at the expense of 2 lives, the worker and the pushee. Most of the subjects asked would not push the man. There is so much potential for discussion of individual responsibility, avoidance issues, etc., that I posed this question to "The Girls" I lunch with on a semi-regular basis. Subject A pretty much went with the same behavior as the test group. Subject B refused to consider the question. She considered it not right and would not allow even her hypothetical self to contemplate making any kind of decision. Subject C said she could not answer unless she knew the identity of the 6 or 7 subjects, because 1 of them could have been Jesus. So am I to infer that I am not lunching with ordinary people or that they don't trust me enough to role-play? And what are we going to talk about at the next luncheon, if they invite me?

PRESIDENTIAL RACE RELATIONS & THE HAMMER

The title sounds so pompous, but it seems that prejudice, positive prejudice. and efforts to understand the difference have come to light in a new way. I just watched an episode of "The View" and thought it was very unsettling. Maybe that's a good idea, to discuss race in an open manner without bitterness. But I don't think we're there yet and maybe even going back a little. Whoopi Goldberg speaks as a black person and tells Elizabeth that she, as a white person, can not ever take off her "white goggles." I read a wonderful book by Shelby Steele, "A Bound Man" and he addresses the issue of Obama's candidacy in a sensitive and insightful manner. I don't think it is helpful in any way to use one's race as a sacred hammer to pound in the fact that it's impossible and futile for one person to try to understand another unless they're the same color. The hope does lie with our children and the future, but why close the door on the present. And to assume that you speak for an entire race just because you are of that race seem to me to be presumptive and demeaning.